As women, we often put everyone and everything ahead of ourselves. Whether it’s family, work, or endless to-do lists, prioritising yourself can feel like an impossible task. And I get it; most of us were raised with messaging that encouraged us to tend to the needs of others first, and that it was desirable to de-prioritise our own needs.
But what if I told you that taking care of your sexual wellness could be one of the most powerful acts of self-care you can give yourself?
Because it’s true.
Prioritising your pleasure isn’t just about feeling good in the moment – it’s a vital part of your overall wellbeing.
Sexual wellness influences your self-esteem, emotional health, and even your physical health.
When you’re connected to your body and your desires, it creates a sense of empowerment that flows into all areas of life.
I have felt that myself; the times in my life where I have felt most in tune with my body, and most sexually vibrant, I feel that vitality and aliveness touch my career, my friends and my overall health.
But too often, women push their sexual needs aside, thinking it’s selfish or unnecessary, and that belief runs deep in many of us.
So here are 5 things you can start doing today to start to un-learn this idea that your pleasure is not important, and reclaim that sense of sexual aliveness:
Find your pleasure
If carving out time for pleasure feels impossible, start small. Make space in your life for even five minutes of quiet reflection or a self-pleasure routine. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate event, just practice connecting to your senses; enjoy using a beautiful body oil, or enjoy the warm sun on your skin.
Embrace change
It’s important to recognise that your sexual desires change over time. Take time to tune in to what your body is telling you it wants, and embrace that connection. Understanding your desire is not just about wanting sex – it’s about reconnecting with the energy and pleasure your body can offer.
The Power of Communication
Good communication is key, both with yourself and with your partner. It’s time to start talking openly about your needs. If you’re not in a relationship, how do you communicate with yourself about your pleasure? It’s essential to have an open dialogue about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you need in terms of intimacy and connection.
Reconnect with Your Body
Reclaiming your pleasure starts with small steps. Whether it’s indulging in a bubble bath, experimenting with a new sensation, or simply lying in bed, letting go of any pressure or expectation, these moments can help you reconnect with your body. It’s about slowing down and allowing yourself to experience pleasure – no rush, no guilt.
Challenge your thoughts
Our thoughts directly impact our feelings and our actions, but they happen so quickly we often don’t even notice them. Start to tune into your thoughts – journalling can help here – and notice self-talk that criticises you, judges you, or tells you your pleasure isn’t important. When you notice one of these thoughts practice replacing it with a more helpful thought or even better, a positive action.
Bonus Tip
Simple Ways to Switch Gears When You’re Exhausted.
Desire usually isn’t spontaneous – it’s responsive. After a long, exhausting day, don’t wait to just feel desire; instead, give it something to respond to. A warm shower, soft lighting, a sensual playlist, or even a few deep breaths to shift out of “go mode” can help your body and mind open to pleasure. Start with comfort, curiosity, and connection, and let desire follow.
Laura is a psychologist and sexologist who works at the intersection of all things sex, relationships and mental health. She is passionate about helping people to explore, enjoy and embrace their sexuality.
@lauraleesexology
lauralee.com.au