The Silent Rules We Inherit: How Systemic Conditioning Shapes Power and Agency
From the moment we enter the world, we absorb unspoken rules – silent narratives that dictate what is acceptable, what is powerful, and how we should exist in the world.
These messages are not always explicitly taught; they are reinforced through media, social norms, and generational conditioning.
For many of us, these rules shaped how we saw ourselves and how we moved through the world.
But what if we could ensure that the next generation doesn’t inherit these same limitations? What if we could raise children who understand power as something they embody, rather than something they take or give away?
At the heart of this conditioning is a fundamental distortion: in patriarchal systems, power is equated with dominance, control, and possession – the hallmarks of a distorted masculine model.
Power is not seen as something innate within all individuals but as something external, granted or taken. Many unconsciously relinquish their power to fit within this system, while others wield it in ways that oppress.
The Conditioning That Teaches Girls to Shrink.
For generations, girls have been conditioned to be small – physically, emotionally, and energetically. They are praised for being agreeable, accommodating, and attractive, but they are punished if they dare to assert themselves.
A woman’s power is only acceptable if it remains palatable, controlled, and in service of others.
I grew up in the age of Britney Spears, where women were expected to embody an impossible contradiction – praised for their innocence yet hypersexualised for consumption.
When Britney conformed, she was America’s sweetheart. When she rebelled, she was ridiculed, her autonomy stripped away.
We’ve all seen how women are punished for stepping outside the mould – whether it was Britney Spears, Janet Jackson, or Megan Fox. But what about the ways we’ve experienced this in our own lives?
I remember when I was twelve, my mum told me never to wear a skirt without shorts underneath especially while walking up stairs, warning me about the perverts. She wasn’t wrong – there were men who felt entitled to look, comment, or act without consequence.
Another is at nineteen, I was waiting in line at a club when I bumped into a guy I barely knew, and he started calling me a slut. When I stood up for myself, he threatened to ‘bash me’. I told the bouncers how unsafe I felt, but they dismissed me entirely.
Male entitlement was protected, while my discomfort was erased. I remember feeling devastated, as though I was being dramatic or crazy.
Experiences like these are not isolated. They are part of a much larger pattern.
Why Do We Give Our Power Away?
This conditioning starts early.
We tell girls to be careful how they dress to avoid unwanted attention, subtly placing responsibility on them rather than addressing male entitlement.
We normalise phrases like boys will be boys, removing accountability and excusing boundary violations. When a boy bullies a girl, we dismiss it as he just likes you, teaching her to equate mistreatment with affection.
We teach children that their bodies are not truly theirs every time we force them to hug a stranger or family member, even if they feel uncomfortable. This seemingly small act reinforces distorted boundaries – teaching them that their discomfort is secondary to social expectations. We send mixed messages when we tell them to speak up but then silence them when they challenge authority.
These early lessons shape how we navigate power, consent, and self-worth.
Girls are taught that being liked is more important than being respected, that accommodating others is more valuable than honouring their own boundaries.
Boys, on the other hand, are conditioned to equate strength with control, suppress emotion, and define their worth through dominance and external success rather than connection and depth.
These messages don’t just shape personal experiences – they are woven into the very structures of society. To understand how deeply ingrained they are, we have to look back at how power itself was reshaped.
The Systematic Oppression of the Sacred Feminine
Historically, women were celebrated as sovereign beings – healers, leaders, and wisdom keepers. But as societies transitioned from matriarchal to patriarchal structures, and from communal living to ownership models, power became something to possess.
The control of land extended to the control of women’s bodies and their wombs, ensuring male heirs to inherit property.
Women became commodities, their autonomy stripped away, their wisdom dismissed.
Over time, feminine qualities (intuition, emotional intelligence, sensual embodiment, creative expression, receptivity, transformation) were systematically devalued, because they posed a direct challenge to the rigid structures of patriarchal control. The ability to feel, to sense beyond logic, to embrace fluidity – these were seen as unpredictable, untameable, and thus threatening.
Women who gathered in community were seen as threats. The term gossip, once meaning a trusted female companion, was twisted into something toxic. Midwives and healers were branded as witches. Hysteria, a diagnosis rooted in the belief that a woman’s womb caused mental instability, was used to discredit and control women.
Sensuality has been reduced to sexuality, stripping it of its sacred power and leaving many with shame and disconnection from their bodies.
Receptivity has felt inherently unsafe because the distorted masculine is about domination and taking, and what has been received has so often been unwanted or harmful. The Sacred Feminine operates in fluidity rather than rigidity, embodying the present rather than being trapped in over analysis, fear, and control.
If we truly learned to feel safe in these qualities – emotional intelligence, intuition, sensual embodiment, untamed wildness, and deep trust in the unknown – the distorted masculine would not have this hold.
How can we feel safe in receiving when power has been warped into possession and entitlement?
Reclaiming Power & Writing a New Narrative
If we do not rewrite these narratives, we will pass them down again. The cycle will continue unless we break it now.
We must raise our children to understand that power is not something they need to fight for – it is something they already possess. They do not have to choose between being strong and being kind. They can take up space without apology.
To understand that strength is not found in control but in integrity. That emotions are not liabilities but pathways to deeper connection. That their power does not diminish when they deeply respect boundaries and honour the sovereignty of others.
This is not a battle of genders. It is a reclamation of balance. It is about restoring what was lost – not by rejecting the masculine but by healing it, integrating it, and allowing it to exist in harmony with the feminine.
When we give young people the language to name what they experience, we empower them to navigate the world consciously. Without this awareness, they risk either abusing power or unconsciously giving it away.
Systemic failures will continue unless we become aware of them. But when we recognise the silent rules we’ve inherited, we can begin to dismantle them.
And when we do, we will raise a generation that knows power is not something to be taken – it is something to be embodied.
The Inside Players: Master the Manifestation Game Paperback
By Rachel Christensen
Do you feel stuck, as if unseen forces are holding you back from the life you know you’re capable of living? The Inside Players reveals how the archetypes of manifestation and practical strategies can help you break free from resistance, reconnect with your authentic self, and step into your true power.